The Second Awakening -

Time for this girl to be oh so honest with you all out there...
God and I have been a bit rocky as of late. I am a very stubborn and determined person. I kinda always think I know the best choice, and I tend to tell God what I think would be a good thing to do. And I also like to tell Him when He should make it happen. Then, when I don't see it happen when or how I want, well, then I just pout and get mad. Some things make me revert to the little kid and I say, "God, happiness was right there. Why did you have to go and not let me have that?" Some days God just stays silent and lets me pout and some days He decides to show me He's still bigger.

      My favorite thing to say is, "God, I want this so bad and you took it away." Let's do a little compare and contrast here.  What do I have to bring to the table... nothing. God, well He has ... everything. In fact, He not only has everything but He even has control over all of it. My selfish and desiring heart goes oh please sure you do have everything and you can do anything. But do you really see this thing I want is that too much to ask for huh. I wish I could say I don't get sassy and know it all with God but oh honey... some days I go all out child and tantrum with God. And yet the amazing thing is God just waits there and keeps saying I am right here, ready child. I fight scream and cry saying all the while I got this God. But sooner or later I always end up in a pile on the floor once the world crashes in on me. All God does is says "I am right here child".  And all I can do is cry and say Lord look at this mess. Lord I can't fix this I messed up too much it's swallowing me whole. Choices get so hard when we try to do it on our own. Each time I tantrum it gets easier to get to the I got nothing moment but goodness it still takes too long.

Once I get to the, " I got nothing" and my heart returns to the humbled and submissive place. Then suddenly the stressed out and I can't do this now becomes. I am strong and courageous and I can take on anything with God by my side. My Heart gets back in the right hands and I no longer feel like a child. I have my feet on the ground and I can breath in the peace that comes from knowing I can't fix it and change anything. Which means I shouldn't need to feel like I have to hold it so close, my white-knuckled fingers around that one thing. The best part is I go back to the girl that wants to be the daughter that God can point to and say that's my girl. God wants only the best for us. His character is where your heart can always rest. My heart wants so many things. And I might never get all of the things that I want but, God loves to let blessings filter out of his hands even when we are too unfocused to see the rain drops of blessings. It may be a smile from a stranger when you've about had it. It might be you getting to bless someone else with a smile. Then there are the big raindrops like a new car or enough money to put a down payment on a house.


     So in the end all I can do is say Lord you know my heart and my desires. Do I still have desires that I want so bad it really does ache oh, yes. I have however learned to just keep saying Lord I know you know what I want and how much I want it but your Will over mine. Now there seems to always be one desire that I still grip on to so tight. God will say that one desire... give it to me I can handle it. I always start by going,oh that one ummm... and hide it behind my back going oh that I  have that under control. I mean I'd give it to you but I think your going to take it or change it. Or maybe make me wait for it and Lord I don't want to wait for it. Till finally I go here Lord hand out and going ok take it one eye shut the other watching that desire. I am so scared to let it loose and just trust. Ah that word... Trust I have a lot of walls around me so I don't let many in past arms length because so many I have let it have hurt me. I seem to translate this to God and that is not healthy but it's where I am at. My trust issues are from so long ago I with I could tell you how they got there. All I know, is that I will let a lot of people into my life but few get to see my heart. They also do not know my real struggles. If they do know them they don't know all of them or the depth of them. So, if I have been transparent with you a lot I do in fact trust you.


In closing, oh dear ones out there please let God take all your struggles to Him he wants them. Even though its hard to believe and understand why he wants to take all my mess upon himself. Have hope and faith that even when everything is pointing to no in a situation God can still make it a yes. He will always be the one that can do anything. So all of you out there saying "I got nothing". Let God say " it's ok child, I have everything" Get away from the world and let the one who created it, have all of it. He's big enough to take anything you can say or feel. So child, let it all out in His presence tell Him all of it and let Him be God.


Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10 (NIV)
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord  Psalm 27:14 (NIV)

James

Picture: NIV-Message -parallel Bible

           Ok, so before I start this Bible study-type blog post series, I want you all to know that I am no Bible scholar. In fact, doing this kind of thing is out of my comfort zone by miles, but I feel like it is a good exercise in faith and trust. Oh, how often our heavenly Father asks us to do things that make us wanna hide and go, "No, not me, Lord, you chose the wrong person for this." Then we mentally think of someone better equipped and secretly hope God gives up asking us to do it and chooses instead to  put it on their heart. That would be me right now behind my computer screen. My brain is thinking,  "Oh my, I don't know about this.  Really, Lord, why are you asking me to do this?" I just know, my dear fellow Christians, that I am concerned for where our freedom to worship is headed. Something in me says take in all the scripture you can now so that you have it is hidden in your heart where no one can take it away.  I don't know about you, but many of the recent events in our country have left me concerned for where our country is headed.  How much longer we will have freedom to worship our Father freely?  I know God has it all under His control and in His very capable hands, but man, it is unsettling. My Bible is one of the most precious things I own.  I can't even imagine not being able to have one or worse, having it taken away, but why not prepare just in case?

           So that is what I am going to do.  So, friends, let me humbly come before you with my thoughts on the book of James and share what I am learning along the way.  Please never take my opinions or interpretations as fact, but always seek the Lord and His word for wisdom and discernment. As I like to say, put all things through the 'God filter' and if they come out clean on the other side, then you're good to go.  So since I am still on a caffeine buzz, I will start to write the first post of this study.  Please pray for my heart and my words. Pray also for God to use this as He wants to and that His will is done through it. Have faith and keep walking His path.

Peace amongst the pieces...

What pops into your head when you hear the word peace? A person making a peace sign with their hand?  A preacher saying "May His peace be with you?" Or maybe it's that all too rare moment where everything is quiet and peaceful. Perhaps your pictures are different from mine but the bottom line is, we all need some peace in our lives. Some days we yearn for it more than others. How then do we discover this picture of peace for ourselves?

Let me take you back a few months in time. I decided to buy a car, something I had never done before.  I was excited, happy, and nervous, all at the same time. I sat there a few hours after signing the papers to buy it, having a mini panic attack and thinking,  "What did I just sign on for here?  Sure, it's pretty and it's a good car and it was a good deal.  But now I have to pay for it, I have to pay for it each month."  These anxious thoughts kept running through my head until I stopped and realized something that I hadn't before.  Before I had gone out to look at this car, or any car for that matter, I had prayed and asked God to help me make a wise choice. I also had my parents with me and they'd be honest if they thought I was not making a good choice. They, however, had not said anything about this being a bad idea, so I was confident in that. God let me get this car. He knows how to say no. He could have let it sell before I got there. He could have made it too expensive for me. He could have let me walk away from it. There have been other instances where God has done all of those things. But He allowed me to buy it.  I started to settle down and sat there with tears on my face and said, "Thanks, Lord."  I saw how God had made this possible for me. I was at peace and humbled by that shiny car in the driveway.

    Peace isn't easy to find. It's hard to get to a place of peace.  This world is so noisy and 'unpeaceful. There are situations buzzing all about that radiate the complete opposite of peace. Some nights I love to sit outside in my small town and hear the trees and see the sky dark as can be. Now I will say you can't see the stars real well (street lights) or it's not really silent (cars, factory sound). But still, in that moment, you can feel it breaking through--it's peace. Just a glimpse of it and we want more. We yearn to get back to that moment in time where we could be still and we want to feel that again and  again. And yet other days, when life gets too overwhelming, we run as far as we can from quiet and anything that could allow us to feel peace creeping in. Why?   Because, in the hurried form of life and in the noise, we can be ignorant of that mess that we don't want to deal with.  If we don't slow down, we don't have to make amends with those pieces of life. Sometimes it is just easier to do that for a time.

        But now, you know the Lord will find a way to get you to slow down and face those pieces sooner or later. For me it seems to take alot to get to that point. I wish I was better at just confessing and laying it all before my Father, but that's not usually the case.  He will try first gently to get me to slow down and give Him the pieces so He can give me peace. Then He will get my attention by making life harder so I can't do it alone and I will finally come to my knees and in tears tell Him all about the many pieces I've got for Him. Wish I could get to the hearing Him gently, but we are not there yet.

      You know, the Bible talks about "the peace that surpasses all understanding" . This verse made no sense to me for quite awhile. The day it made sense to me, I was getting my wisdom teeth pulled and I was so nervous about it. My mom prayed with me before I went in that I would have that peace mentioned earlier.  I was lying there a little drugged and still nervous, as evidenced by the quickened beeping of the heart monitor. I couldn't get calm.  I was trying to slow down the beeping and calm my nerves. Nothing was working.  I tried thinking of my new puppy I was about it to get. Trying to breath and just relax, well, that wasn't working either. The beeps were still faster than they should be. Finally, I decided I would give praying a shot. So I stared at the ceiling while waiting for the Dr. and just prayed what was on my heart.  Within seconds of asking for peace, my heart rate slowed down some and I relaxed somewhat. I still panicked a bit when he walked in the room to start the surgery but I had definitely felt a difference.

       Peace is something we can ask for time and time again, seeing sometimes no change or any effect. But other times it will be there in an instant to slow our beating hearts down and realize God's presence is peace itself.  His being there creates peace. So thankful that there are enough days and moments where I can see God's peace and feel it. So my dear friends out there, I encourage you to slow down today and let God cover your pieces with His peace. He's got all the peace and quiet we will ever need. 

        

Modesty & Healthy Body Image ~

This post will be long, just so you know...

            Modesty is a big deal for both men and women.  I will start by saying women have a bit more affect and, for that reason, this a pretty important issue. But there are some things men can also do to help us as women not feel so one sided on this issue and own their part of it.  I will focus on the woman's side. My version of modesty is going to probably be different than yours and that is OK.  It is really all about personal convictions. So as I say, all the things I see as immodest and modest, they are only what I am personally convicted of, so please use your own personal convictions as your guide. Talk to God and find out where your comfort and convictions lie for you personally. Having said, that here I go with my list: 

          Some may think when they see me that I wear dresses and skirts all the time and you would be right to think that. I really do love to wear skirts and dresses, but I do still believe jeans are fine. I love my jeans and I love being able to decide how I want to dress that day, in a skirt or a pair of jeans. Shorts are a part of modesty that has kind of evolved with me I will now wear shorter shorts than I used to, but they do still have to have an inseam and no pockets showing. Skirts and dresses much shorter than an inch or two above the knee are not comfortable for me. I will wear any jeans, skinnies and boot cut and the like. I just like to make sure they aren't too tight all around. As far as shirts, I will wear pretty much any shirts except tube tops and strapless shirts, and that also goes for dresses as well. Unless it is a dress for a wedding or special event, I will not wear strapless dresses. I wear and practically live in tank tops all summer. I will always wear a cami under anything that feels a bit too see through or shows more skin than I want it to. I have camis in many colors and styles, which allows me to add some color to outfits as I want to. 

          I am a girly girl.  I love to dress up in my own way. I am saddened when I see a woman dressing in a very immodest way. I pray for her and her heart because perhaps she doesn't see the problem with dressing like that. It's important to consider the heart motive behind how we dress. And yes, it really is a heart issue if we need to dress in an immodest way. Perhaps we are insecure in our attractiveness to guys without showing it all off, like we don't think a guy could possibly like us without giving him some visual help.  This, dear ladies, is a huge lie that Satan puts in our heads.  I have been there, too. I am certainly not innocent concerning those thoughts.  I have had them as well. But perhaps it would be better to consider the struggle young men out there have with their eyes and what is before them. We also need to have enough respect for ourselves and consider the example we are to other girls as well.  Keep this in mind, especially if you are around a lot of younger girls or young women who will look up to you in all ways, including the way you dress. They will look to you to show them how they should view their body and what they choose to wear. If you show up looking cute and modest, they will start seeing that as a good way to dress. Little girls need good role models around them, especially when the world around them is saying skinny and sexy is best.

 Healthy body image is so important and essential to avoiding the trap of extreme body issues, such as eating disorders and compulsive dieting and constant weight fears.  Now, I cannot speak to you about how hard it is to struggle with weight all the time because the Lord has blessed me with a small and yet healthy frame. I have never felt fat. I have, however, felt like, at some points in my life, that I've been underweight. At my lightest I was 100 pounds at the age of 21.  I was so scared by that. I had gone from 107 pounds to 100 in less than a month. At this point I went to a doctor just to be sure there wasn't a health reason for this rapid weight loss. The doctor didn't find anything.  After a few months of really working on de-stressing and trusting God, I gained the weight back. I was so thankful.  The only cause to this day that we can think of is that I was so stressed I didn't eat enough, nor did I want to eat much. It was so terrifying to see how small I had gotten and the scary path I had ended up on without intending to. So, my dear lovely ladies, none of us are immune to the body issues.  All of us struggle with them. Stand close to your Heavenly Father and let Him love you and help you love the body you have, because He created you just the way you are. He sees a treasure and a woman of such worth that He went to the cross for you and died just to show you how worth it you are.

       But now, I know what you're thinking.  Some days, ladies, we wake up and go,  "God, have you seen this face?  Have you seen how not pretty I am, 'cause really, I am scary. My skin doesn't look like the magazines and guys don't give me a second glance.  Lord, I have things about my body I would change if I could and I just wish I could look more like (insert name here)." We all compare our bodies and skin or clothes to someone. We know the Bible says we shouldn't but we all still struggle with comparing ourselves to others. The jealousy intensifies when we see a girlfriend of ours get the boy we wanted, or just any boy, to go out with her. We start to second guess our validity. Our own character and self worth get thrown under a microscope and we seek to find the flaws or the reasons we don't have a guy or, for goodness sake, even catch a guy's eye.  If you're like me, you want to be loved and accepted so much that you will do everything it takes to see that come true. Our heart yearns for a man to like what he sees enough to want to marry us. The danger here goes back to the lie that Satan keeps shoving in our face, that we need to strut our stuff and flaunt our body so we catch those guys in our trap, all the while forgetting that  young men need our help to keep their eyes on the right parts of a woman. Now I am not saying that wearing more fabric is the only thing here. Its so much more than that. We need to seek to make our feminine beauty come out. God created us women to  affect the right young man at the right time. Not all young men have the right intentions as far as how they choose to see us young women. Some have chosen to use women to get what they want from them, therefore not respecting them like they should be. Other men are too afraid to even look at or think of a women as a possible wife because he has been told so much to respect his sisters and young ladies as precious gifts.Then there are the young men who get it just right; they seek to treat women with respect but don't let the possible ones get away without at least trying to get to know them and see how it goes. As I'm sure you already know, young men  don't think and see the world in the same way as we do. They have more struggles with visual and physical things, so as far as it depends on us, we should try to help them out. So dress confidently and with feminine elegance. Let your body be complimented by your clothing but not accentuated by it. Seek to look pretty and wear things that make you feel nice, but keep things hidden that should be hidden. God made us and compares us to the Bride of Christ. We are to respect Him and young men with our bodies.

          In closing, we are women so we like to be in clothes that make us feel pretty. And if we catch eyes with the right intentions on our part, then we have done all we can do. Then the men are responsible for how they deal with what they see and how they deal with those thoughts/feelings. Our hearts should be settled in our worth in Christ. Then God will bring along the right man at the right time. Be yourself and be comfortable in your own skin and you will see that God will bless that.  And don't let your motive be only to get a husband. My dear ladies, He has created you and He makes no mistakes so your beauty is breathtaking and steals God's attention.  You are His creation and He wants you to see what He sees. You are His chosen one so let those words settle in your heart. The God of all creation is captivated by your beauty and you're worth it. How can that not make you feel like a princess?  No fairy-tale needed here. We don't have to work to have the happily ever after.  We already have it in Him. I am a princess, a daughter of the one true King.

Matthew 6:33~ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (NIV)

I want to be happy as much as I can.

Happiness: The state of being happy. 

I am blessed with a mostly happy personality.  Ninety nine percent of the time if you see me I will be smiling. I love to laugh so much.  Sometimes I find ridiculous things so funny and when asked why, I can't even tell you. And one of my favorite things to say is "If you're going to die, you might as well  die laughing." I said this right before I jumped  off the platform onto a zip-line. I ran and jumped off the edge, laughing and smiling and maybe screaming a bit all the way down. I love making moments into mini-parties. I'm the girl who sings out loud and dances in the middle of Walmart because I love the song that just came on. I love to enjoy life as it comes and worry later. When I am happy, nothing can stop it. When I am upset, I am just upset. I like feeling every emotion as its own thing. I love being happy too much so no other emotion lasts too long.

The point here is that being happy is a choice. It's not that my life has been all happy and easy 'cause it has not been. But I also know I havent seen many horrible things happen in my life. Have there been some hard things I have been through?  Oh, yes. Have I fought through storms and struggles? Of course I have. There have been days where I get knocked down because it's just too much to handle. My faith has been shaken. Some days I get scared and feel alone, lose all hope. So how then can I still find happiness through all this?

My only answer is God. I can't say anything else. He's the reason I see life as a party and can choose to see some flicker of hope in any situation. He's allowed me to smile and laugh, even when I am overcome with pain or sadness, or even when a situation is too heavy for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. He's the one that helps me still seem to hang on to a ray of light or see a little sliver of hope in any situation. Life is rough and some days it's relentless and just won't let up. That is when all the strength I have left is to come to God in tears and say, "Lord, I have nothing left.  Please help me." He is always there to pick me up and never ceases to amaze me. Every day I can't believe I get to live the life I do. Only by His grace and His grace alone can I be happy as much as I am.

So please trust the One who created you today. Let Him give you the strength and happiness that you need today. Never will you find anything better than leaving your struggles in His hands. So leave all of it there and smile in Him and His love.

My top favorite Beauty Products for June ~

I am such a girly-girl and this past month I have discovered some new fun beauty finds. Some I hadn't realized my love for until now.  One of those I stumbled upon with a free trial attached to my facial sunscreen--good work, L'Oreal.  I am so excited to tell you about these great products.  Disclaimer: All products shown are mine and I purchased them. This post is not sponsored by the companies mentioned. 

I am such a fan of  Nyx and you can thank Ulta for that one. Before we had an Ulta in town, I was aware of Nyx but never got my hands on it. Now its a sickness, lol...

This palette is bright and summery.The name is really cute.  It's called Eat,Love,Be Fab LIF02  The green color is a good liner color and the peach is my favorite for adding a pop of color to my eyes. The gold one is a fantastic primer color just to even out skin color. Or it also works for those days when I want just some shimmer. The two browns are the least used but work well for a liner or a below the crease color for nighttime 

Maybelline New York Lash Sensational 

First, I want to say I have always had a love/hate relationship with mascara. It's always been messy and I usually end up with 'raccoon eyes'. This mascara is the first one that makes me happy enough to use daily. The brush is what makes this mascara amazing because it allows me to use just a little. The other unique thing about this mascara is it doesn't clump much at all.  And, it washes off easily, which is so nice. I don't have to use another product to get it off other than just my cleanser. I do want to add that this is not waterproof mascara. 

Venus Swirl Razor 


Oh this razor.  Where do I start?  It's the best razor I have ever used.   It's so easy to use and what I find amazing is that the little bit of movement that little swivel ball provides can help get those knees so smooth. I was always the girl who used hair remover on her knees to avoid the bloody mess of shaving my knees and the nicks on my ankles as well. This razor, when you first look at it, looks pretty normal, but once you try it you will realize this one is not like all the others out there. The strips of moisturizing cream around the blades actually do something. So many razors before this had those but I never felt like they actually softened enough to do anything. The swivel ball is what intrigued me enough to go buy it.  Well, the glowing purple display at Walgreen's didn't hurt either! The swirl ball, as I call it,  makes a huge difference in how smooth of a shave I get. My legs are super smooth after shaving. I also only use shower gel and not shave gel with this and have no issues with nicks. I actually enjoy shaving with this one. The only downside is that I feel as though the blades need to be replaced more often than other razors I have used.  They seem to go dull faster. The handle is comfortable in my hand and  has a good grip to it as well. One thing that made me laugh is that the release button is so blended into the handle that it took a minute for me to find it, lol.  I must say, though, that the pros far outweigh the one con. 

Loreal Paris Smooth Intense Straitening Shampoo

 I would have never tried this shampoo, had I not gotten a free sample strapped to the facial sunscreen I bought a few weeks ago.  Now, it has become my favorite shampoo. It has allowed me to go without using conditioner and still be able to comb through it in the shower and out of the shower just fine. Now, I would suggest you still use some conditioner at least once a week, just for the health of your strands.  I used this shampoo thinking, "It's free, so why not use it?  The worst that will happen is I don't like it and I will just throw it out."  Instead, I stood there in front of the mirror staring at my shiny,  unfrizzy hair. I was so excited that a few days later I picked up a bottle on a normal run to the store.   

Tree Hut Shea Sugar Scrub in Passion Fruit and Guava

This product is so good for exfoliating the dead skin from your whole body. The price is great on it as well,  I am one of those girls who wants a good product and a good price. I noticed a huge difference when I started using this scrub every few days. I love the way my skin feels . It comes in a great variety of scents. This jar is my second one in the last few months and each time I try a new scent.  Haven't met one that I don't like yet. It moisturizes my skin beautifully and it doesn't hurt when you use it to scrub.  It also provides an easy cleanup and goes down the drain with no residue left behind. 

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Please connect with me. I would love to hear from you!!

Singleness and Contentment ~

If you would have even mentioned to me just a few months ago that I would be writing a post on this,  I would have laughed in your face. I would probably have laughingly said, "Yeah, right". I would never be content or OK with the idea of not being married or not having children. Those are such big dreams of mine. "Being content without them, yeah, that will never happen, I can tell you that."  That's what I would have said.

However, as I sit here with my coffee, my friends, I have come to that place in my heart by God's  grace and His grace alone. My dear ones, I can confidently say with tears running down my face that  I would be OK if I never saw the blessing of marriage or children of my own. No one was more surprised than I was the day I said those words to God and suddenly felt consumed by such a peace, it  could only have come from my Father in heaven. I had said these words time and time again to God but my heart was really screaming "NO," which of course meant that my heart wasn't soft enough to let go and truly be OK with that outcome.  I am, after all, the girl who, at 18, felt she was ready for a husband, who had the wedding planned and who began praying for the one God had for me, imagining children and babies of my own and picturing myself in my dream life. I saw myself staying at home with the little ones while my husband worked hard, being the stay-at-home mother, which was and still is my heart's desire. I still want it, yes, but it isn't my end goal to feel worthy or like I am doing something right to walk in that dream. Not that I am doing something wrong not to get the dream. God blesses us because of who He is, not how we measure up.  Oh my, if we could just let God be everything and realize how blessed we are to be a child of the King. We have found the One who will never ever fail us. 

Does this mean we don't still ask God for His will and even pray for our future husband?  No. In fact, now I feel as though I am hearing God better because I am no longer telling Him how He should bless me. Instead I am letting Him take my heart's cry for these desires. I am more open to whatever He might lead me to. I no longer see my life as a waste because I am unmarried because, my friends,  you are never wasting time when you are walking in the will of the One who created you. 

Do I still look for a good man to be my husband?  Yes. But now I am waiting for the man who will be what I need, the one who God wants for me. I don't want a boyfriend, I want a husband.  Far too many guys these days make better boyfriends than husbands.  Oh, I have learned so much but I have oh so much to learn still . I have learned that if God tells you in a dream to not date that guy, please heed that and don't date him. Yet another reason to cast all your cares on Him. Listen with open hearts and open eyes. Seeking Him and His will?  That will never be a waste. Keep seeking and keep praying.  Don't let your dreams go, but be careful to listen for that still small voice.

I want to take it all in.

      

 Psalm 62:1 ~ Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him.

     Yesterday, I talked about not missing a second of life. Today's post is about taking it all in. I know what you're thinking.  "I work," or "I am a mom.  I am busy and I have a to-do list down to the floor.  How can I possibly get all this done and still 'take it all in?' I mean, I am so overwhelmed my brain can't stop thinking and racing.  I barely have time to eat and sleep.  Coffee is my lifeline to being focused.  Life has become such a blur."  Have you ever felt like this? Do you still feel like this ?

     

      I know that feeling so very well. It tends to overwhelm me, just listing off all the things I need to do. Knowing the list won't go away starts to get to me. I find myself praying on the go, everything becomes so to-go. So how, with all the stuff on our never-ending list, can we get it all done and still see the blessings life has to offer?  Can we find in each day, moments to remember without turning that into just another chore? We can, and here's how.  Ask your self two questions: why and how. WHY are you doing what you are doing? HOW are you able to do what you are doing ? 

     Here's an example: Grocery shopping. Why are you going grocery shopping?  So you can provide  food for you and your family.  How are you able to buy the groceries?  Either you or someone you love has been blessed with a good job and has worked hard to make the money so you can buy those groceries.  My point...? When you step back and see the motivation and the provision behind the things you have to do, it helps you to see why you are doing what you are doing and for whom you are doing it. When you realize you have a good reason for doing the things on your list and that it is positively affecting the people you love, it suddenly doesn't seem so routine and meaningless but has purpose.  

  

      So next time you are at the store, tired from work, caring for your children, or whatever fills up your days, remind yourself that you have very good reasons for doing what you are doing, and that you are blessed to be able to do it. So take your time and take that list in. Take all of the items on your list and ask the how and why questions. Realize that your list has purpose and that it is a true blessing in disguise.  No matter how routine it may seem, don't forget to 'take it all in.'  

I want to not miss a second of my life.

  

     Psalm 139:16~ Your eyes saw my unformed body;all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.(NIV)  


      I want to not miss a second of my life.  You might be saying, "Oh great, another "Carpe Diem" post."  I won't say I don't like that saying because I do.  Is there anything unbiblical about saying "seize the day?" I don't think so. So please keep reading, so you know what I really mean.

      We live in a fast-paced, technology-driven, and constant social interaction and nonstop society. My generation, which they call 'millennials', those who came of age in the 2000's and younger, have it worse than those who lived before the electronics and technology took over. Why? I hate silence or don't even like leaving the social world for two minutes. My phone is within arm's length at all times. If it's not, I am still waiting for it to make some sound, telling me one of my social networks has something new for me--Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and Messenger-- or perhaps a text from one of my family members or friends. Music and TV just add to the constant communication need and make life more "noisy". . . so I don't have to hear the quiet.

     My point ? ... God did not create any of these things that create such noise in our life. While he did let humans create them, He Himself did not create them. Now don't hear me wrong and think I am saying that you can't use all of the technology and networking sites mentioned above, because unless God leads me to give them up, I am not planning to. I am saying, however, that some days I feel as though the noisy things make me miss life and moments that I should take in.

     I'm saying that we would benefit greatly if, from time to time, we would step away from the noisy things in our life long enough to cherish the moment. Find time to do things worth remembering and, sure, Instagram some moments along the way. Just make sure your focus is on life and not on that screen on your phone. Make sure Twitter knows about your quotable moments but doesn't have so much it can quote you. Facebook can know that you bought a car or that you just saw your new niece or nephew for the first time.  You can snapshot a few moments and tell us what you are doing or what your're learning once in awhile. But Facebook shouldn't see your face more than those special people in your life do.  And you don't need to text everyone.  Save those texts for those who need to hear an encouraging word or those from whom you can find encouragement.
    
     There will never be another today. Who is worth you time today? Look at your family and friends. Who do you want to make memories with today? Time passes too fast to miss any of it. So invest in those around you and build your life with the guidance of God.  Make sure to take time to slow down and hear the still small voice that God often speaks in. Spend time reading His word. Take each moment and situation in life as it comes. Feel everything with your heart, and touch as many people as you can. Take in each second laugh and smile, Take it all in.  "Seize the day!"

Its coming...

The series is coming. Just taking a little longer than expected. If not tonight, the first one will be up tomarrow.  Thanks for being patient ��!!

What do I really want out of life? ...

I have some exciting ideas coming up for my blog here. The biggest one is a series of posts under the name: What do I really want out of life?  I am planning to do one post a day Monday - Friday and a more fun post or posts on the weekend. There are 25 parts of this series so as you can tell, I have my work cut out for me. This question brought up a lot of answers to ponder. And I want to share with you the stories behind all of my answers. I want to start posting on Monday and go from there. Oh, you have no idea how excited I am. To be able to share what God has been teaching me... such a humbling thing for me.

My Adoption story ~

If you have known me for even a short time, you probably know that I am, in fact, adopted. When people find out, they have so many questions.  So today I would like to answer some of those questions . . . after I tell you my adoption story.

   My parents were foster parents at the time when I was born, licensed for 0-2 year olds. They had been fostering children or infants for several years. One day they got a call about a little preemie baby girl needing a foster home once she was released from the NICU. (My birth mother and father were choosing to give me up because of health and financial reasons.)  Of course my now parents said yes. A few days later they got a call from the social worker saying they would really like to place the baby with a family interested in adoption so the bonding process could begin right away. My parents, who had been praying for another child for eight years, said yes, they would be interested in adopting her. Now you have to understand, they had been told that it was very rare to actually adopt a foster child in these circumstances. But this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how much God has blessed me with in my life. 

My parents started the almost year-long process of adopting me. It was just around my first birthday when I officially began to carry the Barnet name. Because I was eight weeks early and born at a weight of just over three pounds, I was in the NICU for the first five weeks of my life. I had some health complications but as my mom would say, "You were a fighter and a tough girl from day one." My little three-pound, 12 oz. self was only on the ventilator for 24 hours. I was however, born with a heart murmur, caused by a hole in my heart between the two chambers. And as such I had a heart monitor connected to me at all times for the first month or so after I came home from the hospital. My mom says we were startled awake many times because it would go off, especially in the night. Most times it was a false alarm; in fact, only once did it actually show cause for alarm, but I was fine.  For the next two years my life was filled with regularly scheduled appointments for an EKG and ultrasound to monitor the heart issues and murmur. My parents were told that before the age of three I would need open heart surgery to fix the hole in my heart.  My family and all their friends and our church prayed faithfully for it to close. At an ultrasound appointment one day when I was about 18 months old, the doctor said to my mom, "Mrs. Barnet, I will announce to you that the hole has closed."  My mom's response, "I knew it.  We've had people praying," met with the doctor's raised eyebrows.  There was no explanation but that God had healed my heart, He had done a miracle. And He has never stopped showing me how much He loves me. I am walking around today without a huge scar and with proof that God heals. I have never, ever, since that day, ever had any heart issues. No doctors since that day have ever said anything about it, either. All I can say is, how much more proof do you need that God is who He says He is?  I am a living, breathing testimony of what He can do. He has been so faithful and constant.  He has shown His love for me in so many ways, not only healing my heart, but choosing to put me in a Christian home, not in foster care for years, hopping from home to home.

I have always been aware of the fact that I am adopted, as it was always embraced in our home. It was always said in a happy way and always referred to as part of God's plan. I was never ever treated differently and was always and still am looked at as just another birth child. My youngest brother, Josh, who is 10 years older than I am, did and will still to this day take credit for my name, Nicki. My other brother, Zach, who is 12 years older, lives close enough to keep a close eye on any guys who might try to date me and would set them straight if they treated me badly. Josh, however, would only be three hours behind (he lives three hours away) and would also be there to set them straight as well. All that to say they are very protective of me--always have been and always will be. My parents have always made us feel so very important and wanted. We were and still are their life. My mom and dad always made sure we had their attention and love but, most importantly, they always did and do point us back to God.

So, in sum, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has been my rock since day one. It just took me 13 years to see it. His hand is and has been in all of it. My very heart was healed by His strong and powerful hand. So how can I even say I am not loved and so very blessed. This is my story and yet I am not the author.  The one who created me should get all the recognition and glory. He's still at work writing my story and I look forward to all the lives I can touch through my adoption story and through adopting children of my own someday.

Here are a few questions I get a lot:

Have or will you meet or contact your birth parents ?

No, and here's why.  They chose to give me up from birth and I never knew them. I have and still am amazed that my birth mom gave me up. I have yet to have children but I can't imagine being humble enough to give up your baby, knowing that her life would be better with another family. I still do often think of my birth mom and dad, and all I have for them is respect and honor. They did a difficult thing but it is a choice I am thankful for.

Do you ever feel weird or uncomfortable because you're adopted and not a birth child?

Absolutely not, I have never been treated like I am any different or not a birth child. I have always  loved the fact that I am adopted. I do, however, see how some children who have been adopted might feel funny if it was hidden at all from them, which is a sad thing. Adoption should be embraced, not seen as a difference.

Have you ever felt like you didn't fit because you don't share blood or look like your family?

No, in fact my mom and I have, on more than one occasion, been told we look alike. And as far as not sharing blood, no, that is not a big deal either.  My birth certificate says my name is Barnet so no one will ever see it differently. We have a lot of fun with the fact that I am not related by blood.  It opens up the conversation a lot to the adoption story. Also, it's interesting when you go to the doctor.

Is it hard for you to tell the story to people?

Yes and no. I would say yes because I always feel like I am trying to make myself out to be someone special and I'm afraid I sound kinda arrogant. I never ever seek to make anyone feel less than me or like I am above them so, because it is a story about me, I kinda feel like it might seem like that. But no, I love, love, love to tell the story.  It is a huge part of who I am and how I give glory to God and show people how loving God really is.

Have you ever pictured your life with your birth parents?

Well, in my case it would be hard to picture because I have never met them.  But yes, I do occasionally think about how different my life might have looked.  But I really have no idea how it would have been anyway.

A note from my mom:

Nicki asked me to share anything I would like to add about her story and it would be my privilege. What can I say about the limitless grace of God?  People often say we learn the most about God through the trials He takes us through.  That is often true, but I must tell you that I learned more about the depth of God's love and His kindness toward us through this experience than through almost anything else in my life. I prayed for eight years for her, even asking God to take away the desire if it wasn't His will.  His answer to this mama's prayer was so undeserved.  I did nothing to earn it and plenty to not deserve it.  And yet, in His kindness, God placed this precious little girl into our lives.  She has filled our lives with such joy and has taught us much about how to live life to the max.  It has taught me to never give up on any prayer God has placed on my heart until He has slammed the door shut.  It has taught me that God finds great joy in blessing us.  It has taught me that the blessings can sometimes come with struggles but that God will be with us to take us through the struggles and come out victorious (Nicole means 'victorious one').  I could go on and on but this is not my blog.  I will just tell you that I love this daughter of mine as much as if I had given birth to her myself.  I didn't carry her in my womb but I carried her in my heart. I want to finish by honoring Nicki's birth parents, and all birth mothers and fathers who, even though they were unable for whatever reason to care for their child, were still willing to give their child life and then allow people like me, who longed for another child, to raise them and love them.  God truly does 'work all things together for good . . . '

The best shoes ever...

 Ugh been out of commission  for two days with the stomach flu.

        But I am back and ready to share my favorite pair of shoes I own are. These flats I can wear all day and not take them off . They have just enough support for me and the scrunched elastic allows for the fit that makes them so comfy. I like to joke I could even river dance in these shoes (not that I even know how to river dance). They are fantastic go to shoes for spring and summer even into fall and, because of my job as a nanny they are great because I can wear them all day making going outsidehe kids so easy. I also feel so stylish in them I own 5 pairs of them now. I love love love them... they are dexflex comfort from pay less shoes source. I wait for them to go on sale then scoop up a few pairs.  They hold up well to life, even taking on puddles (they do however take on water). But they do deal well with mud and such though. They have a felt like and rubber sole so they have good traction and good spinning ability (yes I have tested this). So comfy so versitle and you don't have to wear the crazy flats socks with them unless you want to. Wonderful shoes for a young mom or for a girl who wants comfy shoes for work that still look great. They do come in many different colors and styles one is bound to appeal to you. Please give them a try you won't be sorry. This is the first kind of flats that I can wear used to try others and they would blister my heels or would just not fit right I had given up on ballet flats altogether till I tried on these babies. And now I can't stop talking about them.

I'm back...

I am ready to daily blog with occasional  YouTube   videos as well. So excited to share my life with you all out there.

      The last few months of my life have been so busy and hectic. Working like crazy, and trying to keep up with friends and family.  My poor fluffy puppy misses me so badly when I am off at work all day. But in all honesty, I wouldn't  trade it for the world working hard is hard but so confidence building. It's exhausting, but strengthening at the same time as well. I love being blessed with the job I have that I love. Being a nanny is so rewarding and so exciting. I wake up every weekday morning saying I am so ready to go to work and see those kids again.

      I also have decided to start a YouTube channel so I can share my singing and some videos with you like beauty blog  and personal blog style videos. 

     I will tell you about the weekend retreat I just got back from hence the picture. hopefully later tonight... 

     So other then working alot my life is pretty crazy. And so very complicated I hope I can uncomplicate it and put it in blog posts. For allof you.