If you would have even mentioned to me just a few months ago that I would be writing a post on this, I would have laughed in your face. I would probably have laughingly said, "Yeah, right". I would never be content or OK with the idea of not being married or not having children. Those are such big dreams of mine. "Being content without them, yeah, that will never happen, I can tell you that." That's what I would have said.
However, as I sit here with my coffee, my friends, I have come to that place in my heart by God's grace and His grace alone. My dear ones, I can confidently say with tears running down my face that I would be OK if I never saw the blessing of marriage or children of my own. No one was more surprised than I was the day I said those words to God and suddenly felt consumed by such a peace, it could only have come from my Father in heaven. I had said these words time and time again to God but my heart was really screaming "NO," which of course meant that my heart wasn't soft enough to let go and truly be OK with that outcome. I am, after all, the girl who, at 18, felt she was ready for a husband, who had the wedding planned and who began praying for the one God had for me, imagining children and babies of my own and picturing myself in my dream life. I saw myself staying at home with the little ones while my husband worked hard, being the stay-at-home mother, which was and still is my heart's desire. I still want it, yes, but it isn't my end goal to feel worthy or like I am doing something right to walk in that dream. Not that I am doing something wrong not to get the dream. God blesses us because of who He is, not how we measure up. Oh my, if we could just let God be everything and realize how blessed we are to be a child of the King. We have found the One who will never ever fail us.
Does this mean we don't still ask God for His will and even pray for our future husband? No. In fact, now I feel as though I am hearing God better because I am no longer telling Him how He should bless me. Instead I am letting Him take my heart's cry for these desires. I am more open to whatever He might lead me to. I no longer see my life as a waste because I am unmarried because, my friends, you are never wasting time when you are walking in the will of the One who created you.
Do I still look for a good man to be my husband? Yes. But now I am waiting for the man who will be what I need, the one who God wants for me. I don't want a boyfriend, I want a husband. Far too many guys these days make better boyfriends than husbands. Oh, I have learned so much but I have oh so much to learn still . I have learned that if God tells you in a dream to not date that guy, please heed that and don't date him. Yet another reason to cast all your cares on Him. Listen with open hearts and open eyes. Seeking Him and His will? That will never be a waste. Keep seeking and keep praying. Don't let your dreams go, but be careful to listen for that still small voice.
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