If you have known me for even a short time, you probably know that I am, in fact, adopted. When people find out, they have so many questions. So today I would like to answer some of those questions . . . after I tell you my adoption story.
My parents were foster parents at the time when I was born, licensed for 0-2 year olds. They had been fostering children or infants for several years. One day they got a call about a little preemie baby girl needing a foster home once she was released from the NICU. (My birth mother and father were choosing to give me up because of health and financial reasons.) Of course my now parents said yes. A few days later they got a call from the social worker saying they would really like to place the baby with a family interested in adoption so the bonding process could begin right away. My parents, who had been praying for another child for eight years, said yes, they would be interested in adopting her. Now you have to understand, they had been told that it was very rare to actually adopt a foster child in these circumstances. But this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how much God has blessed me with in my life.
My parents started the almost year-long process of adopting me. It was just around my first birthday when I officially began to carry the Barnet name. Because I was eight weeks early and born at a weight of just over three pounds, I was in the NICU for the first five weeks of my life. I had some health complications but as my mom would say, "You were a fighter and a tough girl from day one." My little three-pound, 12 oz. self was only on the ventilator for 24 hours. I was however, born with a heart murmur, caused by a hole in my heart between the two chambers. And as such I had a heart monitor connected to me at all times for the first month or so after I came home from the hospital. My mom says we were startled awake many times because it would go off, especially in the night. Most times it was a false alarm; in fact, only once did it actually show cause for alarm, but I was fine. For the next two years my life was filled with regularly scheduled appointments for an EKG and ultrasound to monitor the heart issues and murmur. My parents were told that before the age of three I would need open heart surgery to fix the hole in my heart. My family and all their friends and our church prayed faithfully for it to close. At an ultrasound appointment one day when I was about 18 months old, the doctor said to my mom, "Mrs. Barnet, I will announce to you that the hole has closed." My mom's response, "I knew it. We've had people praying," met with the doctor's raised eyebrows. There was no explanation but that God had healed my heart, He had done a miracle. And He has never stopped showing me how much He loves me. I am walking around today without a huge scar and with proof that God heals. I have never, ever, since that day, ever had any heart issues. No doctors since that day have ever said anything about it, either. All I can say is, how much more proof do you need that God is who He says He is? I am a living, breathing testimony of what He can do. He has been so faithful and constant. He has shown His love for me in so many ways, not only healing my heart, but choosing to put me in a Christian home, not in foster care for years, hopping from home to home.
I have always been aware of the fact that I am adopted, as it was always embraced in our home. It was always said in a happy way and always referred to as part of God's plan. I was never ever treated differently and was always and still am looked at as just another birth child. My youngest brother, Josh, who is 10 years older than I am, did and will still to this day take credit for my name, Nicki. My other brother, Zach, who is 12 years older, lives close enough to keep a close eye on any guys who might try to date me and would set them straight if they treated me badly. Josh, however, would only be three hours behind (he lives three hours away) and would also be there to set them straight as well. All that to say they are very protective of me--always have been and always will be. My parents have always made us feel so very important and wanted. We were and still are their life. My mom and dad always made sure we had their attention and love but, most importantly, they always did and do point us back to God.
So, in sum, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ has been my rock since day one. It just took me 13 years to see it. His hand is and has been in all of it. My very heart was healed by His strong and powerful hand. So how can I even say I am not loved and so very blessed. This is my story and yet I am not the author. The one who created me should get all the recognition and glory. He's still at work writing my story and I look forward to all the lives I can touch through my adoption story and through adopting children of my own someday.
Here are a few questions I get a lot:
Have or will you meet or contact your birth parents ?
No, and here's why. They chose to give me up from birth and I never knew them. I have and still am amazed that my birth mom gave me up. I have yet to have children but I can't imagine being humble enough to give up your baby, knowing that her life would be better with another family. I still do often think of my birth mom and dad, and all I have for them is respect and honor. They did a difficult thing but it is a choice I am thankful for.
Do you ever feel weird or uncomfortable because you're adopted and not a birth child?
Absolutely not, I have never been treated like I am any different or not a birth child. I have always loved the fact that I am adopted. I do, however, see how some children who have been adopted might feel funny if it was hidden at all from them, which is a sad thing. Adoption should be embraced, not seen as a difference.
Have you ever felt like you didn't fit because you don't share blood or look like your family?
No, in fact my mom and I have, on more than one occasion, been told we look alike. And as far as not sharing blood, no, that is not a big deal either. My birth certificate says my name is Barnet so no one will ever see it differently. We have a lot of fun with the fact that I am not related by blood. It opens up the conversation a lot to the adoption story. Also, it's interesting when you go to the doctor.
Is it hard for you to tell the story to people?
Yes and no. I would say yes because I always feel like I am trying to make myself out to be someone special and I'm afraid I sound kinda arrogant. I never ever seek to make anyone feel less than me or like I am above them so, because it is a story about me, I kinda feel like it might seem like that. But no, I love, love, love to tell the story. It is a huge part of who I am and how I give glory to God and show people how loving God really is.
Have you ever pictured your life with your birth parents?
Well, in my case it would be hard to picture because I have never met them. But yes, I do occasionally think about how different my life might have looked. But I really have no idea how it would have been anyway.
A note from my mom:
Nicki asked me to share anything I would like to add about her story and it would be my privilege. What can I say about the limitless grace of God? People often say we learn the most about God through the trials He takes us through. That is often true, but I must tell you that I learned more about the depth of God's love and His kindness toward us through this experience than through almost anything else in my life. I prayed for eight years for her, even asking God to take away the desire if it wasn't His will. His answer to this mama's prayer was so undeserved. I did nothing to earn it and plenty to not deserve it. And yet, in His kindness, God placed this precious little girl into our lives. She has filled our lives with such joy and has taught us much about how to live life to the max. It has taught me to never give up on any prayer God has placed on my heart until He has slammed the door shut. It has taught me that God finds great joy in blessing us. It has taught me that the blessings can sometimes come with struggles but that God will be with us to take us through the struggles and come out victorious (Nicole means 'victorious one'). I could go on and on but this is not my blog. I will just tell you that I love this daughter of mine as much as if I had given birth to her myself. I didn't carry her in my womb but I carried her in my heart. I want to finish by honoring Nicki's birth parents, and all birth mothers and fathers who, even though they were unable for whatever reason to care for their child, were still willing to give their child life and then allow people like me, who longed for another child, to raise them and love them. God truly does 'work all things together for good . . . '
