Roller-Coaster Life...

   
     Okay, so today is one of those days I feel like the whole world is up against me. It's also one of those days where I feel like I am on the top of the hill on a roller-coaster staring down. Going why am I on this ride again?  How'd I get to the top and now look we are on the bottom in one fell swoop. Life is kind of notorious for leaving me wondering, how I get all the way from the top to the bottom in a matter of seconds. And in that moment then you are feeling like you can't even do this thing they call life. It's time to, let it all out, and I mean all out. Tell it all to the one who created you. I don't care what your method is, but get it all out, don't be tough. God knows already he just wants to hear it from your lips. Let him be the one who sees the pieces all scattered around. I will be the first one to say I like to stuff things in for quite awhile till I can't. Then all the sudden I have a volcano of emotion and anger coming out.That, by the way is not a pretty sight.

    Here's one story this one is a bit personal but I really want you all to get what I mean. And so you can see that I am human and I am on this roller-coaster as well.

     I had Just graduated from high-school (homeschooling). And all my friends were going off to college,but the one that really got to me was my bff leaving me. So here I was, in a state of open world. Yet, I felt so trapped, and I was lonely. I knew at this point it wasn't going to go to college. My family was so wonderful during this time. They were encouraging me to do something but not telling me what that should be. They are amazing and will always have my back. I still was struggling to know what direction was up during this time. I had days where getting up and out of my bed took some doing. Somehow, people around me still thought I was happy. I had mastered the fake smile. As well, during this time I had began having stomach aches almost all the time and wasn't eating quite like I should. Because, I am already smaller it was especially concerning. I dropped almost 10 pounds within a few months. Scary, oh yeah it was so super scary. I still had the one thing I knew I could grab onto when I couldn't do it. God,was still there and some days the only thing that kept me seeing that there would be a light at the end of this tunnel. If I am honest, it was so hard for me to admit that I needed him. Before this God was my card that I could pull out and say yeah me and God are buddies. But now,I was realizing God was it he was the hand holding me. And no matter how much I didn't want to say it God was the only one who was there every tear filled night. I was not sure how to even take the first step into my future. I was terrified that I would fail anything I would do, so I just stayed at home in my room.  But after a few months I had watched all the TV and movies my mind could handle. God finally got me to rock bottom one night I was laying there with a stomach ache saying I can't do this. Crying so hard and all I remember was an overwhelming feeling of God's presence and peace and from that night on I took small steps to get myself on the way again.


     In the next few months my life started coming back to life. I had God, and with Him things seemed so much more easy to do. My parents let me get a dog and I was so excited because I had something to take care of again and I had a friend and ok yes it was just a dog. But he was and still is my furry little best friend. And so a few months later I got up the nerve to go to my church's Young Adults Bible study ( If your Church has one or you know of one in your area GO !!~) . That was one of the best choices I could have ever have made the friends I have made from that group are still friends now. I am still making friends from the group as well. We hang out a lot and have tons of fun. Then a few months later God blessed me with a full-time Nannying job. I was on my way to the life I wanted to have and it wasn't me doing it. God was allowing such good stuff to come along.

     Do I still have the hills of a roller-coaster in my life. Oh my goodness, yes and some are huge hills. But all the way through the hills I know I have God right there. Do I still go through days and months of getting my God card out. Yup, but I am getting better at realizing that I can't do this without him. And some days still stink, and some are still ended by tears. But I know where my heart belongs during the storms. Honestly, the good times are wonderful but oh so dangerous cause I get kinda cocky with God like ha I got this. You can just take a break today I got it. And while that works ok for awhile till satan starts in with his agenda. And then I run back to the one that is the only one that puts satan in his place.

    So in sum, I have a roller-coaster life like all of you. Some days it still get the best of me. I don't ever want anyone to think I have it all together cause I don't and I hope I never claim to. Keep your head up you will be at the end of the tunnel soon.